Guy needs advice from women on gun hating wife.

[lee]

I'm serious here. I have a healthy marriage and we work out issues together. My spouse was not happy with me getting a CPL. She very much dislikes guns. I believe she has an irrational fear of them. Says , she would rather be a victim than use a gun. Overall , she is a level headed rational person that works well in emergencies.

Personally, I have a step brother that died from a self inflicted gunshot---accident while intoxicated. This affected me more than her. Her brothers have used firearms during extended family out door camping trips and she puts up with them and appears not bothered by their activity.I have not spent an outrageous amount on my activity and we both work.

What am I hoping for ? I do not expect her to be my shooting buddy on my once a month IDPA Saturday shoot. I usually spend 5 hrs max per month-----a half of Saturday. I would hope that she could become proficient in unloading a weapon , checking to see if its loaded, all safety related activity. If I became incapacitated, I would hope that she retrive my weapon and safely unload it. I do not expect to turn her into an enthusiast but something less than the irrational gun hatred she has as it applies to me. Any suggestions from any of the women? Thanks in advance.

[Fiddler]

I can offer my opinion, based on my own experience teaching and talking with women about shooting and guns. You may be right that your wife is afraid of guns. The first thing you need to do is talk to your wife and try to find out why. There are many reasons why women fear or dislike guns. Is it because it's the "PC" opinion in her social or work environment? Or is it something more concrete? Has she ever even been to a gun range? Does she have any previous experience with guns? Does the noise of gunshot bother her? Or is she responding to a bad experience with guns? Sometimes women are afraid of guns because they haven't had any real experience handling and shooting them. People are afraid of what they don't know.

You said your wife's family hunts, and she doesn't seem to have a problem with that. Has she ever been hunting with them? Since that seems like an acceptable use of guns, that might be a place to start.I can't tell you what the percentage is, but there are a number of people who feel that hunting is acceptable, yet they find any other use of a gun unacceptable, even self defense. One of the issues I always discuss in my CPL classes is that before making the decision to carry a firearm for self defense, one must consider the legal, moral and ethical ramifications of the use of deadly force in self defense. Will you be able to take the life of another in order to save your life or the lives of your loved ones? Will you be ready to deal with not only the possible legal consequences, but also the moral and ethical consequences of such an action? We read articles and hear about people in the news who shoot in self defense and although they survive, their lives are changed forever. Each person deals with it in their own way, and each person must make the decision as to whether they are prepared to do so. Some people can't come to terms with the idea of using deadly force, even if it means giving up their own life. It sounds like your wife may be one of those people, but people have been known to change their minds.

Once you find out why your wife dislikes guns, you might be able to address her fears or concerns, and she might at least come to terms with the idea of you shooting and having guns in the house. I would suggest a firearm safety course to introduce your wife to the basics of home firearm safety. I'd be happy to help her with that. If your wife comes to a point where she’s ready to consider trying guns, please encourage her to attend one of our women's shoots. The women’s shoots are a very positive experience, and she would have the opportunity to learn from female instructors (me and flygirl) and meet a lot of women (many who are shooting for the first time) who find out that they LOVE to shoot! I realize that's a hard sell, but a lot of women feel more comfortable learning from and shooting with other women in the beginning stages when they feel especially self conscious and fearful of guns. I have helped many women who were afraid of guns by offering the instruction in a safe and non-threatening atmosphere. It might also help her to meet other women who are not the “stereotypical gun owners” and yet carry, shoot and enjoy it.

One important point to remember - women can’t be pushed on the issue of guns. You can and should discuss her feelings on the issues and offer differing view points, but give her time to come to her own conclusions. I hope that helps.

[Fiddler]

There is an excellent article on the JPFO website that goes into further depth, called "Raging Against Self Defense: A Psychiatrist Examines the Anti-Gun Mentality," by Sarah Thompson, M.D. Here is the link for the article. It's a good read for anyone, not just women.

Raging Against Self Defense (http://www.jpfo.org/ragingagainstselfdefense.htm)

I should warn you, this is a lengthy read. Read it when you have time.

[Autumnlovr]

Karen has given you some excellent advice. I was going to suggest that you look into the Becoming an Outdoors Woman (BOW) summer-camp program, it's given MANY women the confidence to get into firearms, either for the shooring sport aspect or for hunting. Since it has other non-firearm related seminars, they get women who are unsure about guns interested.....cause the women who just hit their first clay target get sooooo excited, they talk about it for the rest of the weekend. I just checked their calendar (it's linked through the Mich DNR's web pages) but they do not have the summer camp shown, it's usually in August. Another group that has women's weekends is WWOW, Wild Women of Washtenaw. I've never gone to any of the get-togethers, but I know Karen has. Both of these programs cover outdoor subjects other than firearms. I know BOW has kayaking, hiking, horseback-riding, birding, camp cooking, wild-edibles, archery, and many more. The last I talked to one of the organizers, they were considering adding a seminar on boat launching....something I could use a few pointer in!
But, the first step is talking. We wish you the best. Life is always easier when your spouse is comfortable with your activities.

[khicks]

i all so have the same problem. my wife of 28 years does not like me having any guns, others can have them just not me. when i bought my first hand gun she went nuts. wanted a diviorce and every thing, she even sleped on the couch for 2 months( i am not sleeping there ). i have tryed to talk to her, (like a wife will lission to a husbin) i even offered to pay for a trained instructor to give her basic training. good luck

[HK USP]

Try and be compassionate and Patient, find out why she fears guns. You stated your reasons maybe she has some reasons for her fears, discuss them. Tell her other women have CPL's there are groups just for her like the Second Amendment Sisters, and The NRA has Women’s Outlook, rationalize her fears and discuss them. Put her in contact with them, the Second Amendment Sisters have a local chapter and can be contacted via internet shooting can be and is fun try offering her this.

[RSF]

Why not attend have her attend one of karens ladies only shoots and or direct her here to this forum that is why it was created yes the sas is a good group as well yet there not that active as i have seen in the past years!

this forum was created for this type of thing


wife of hk usp? have yo uever attended one of karens all laides shoots? and the nrra magazine is a good start to leave fo rher to read but to be in a like minded arena with other woman such as the ladies night is a great place to go and learn and observe and have fun

[Ken P]

Personally, I have a step brother that died from a self inflicted gunshot---accident while intoxicated. This affected me more than her..

are you sure about that? perhaps her fear is that you will have an accident

[01ramoffroad]

This sounds exactly like my experience with my wife. She has always been against me owning guns, but not other people. I live up in Northern Michigan and I do a lot of backwoods hiking alone and sometimes with my German Sheperd mix dog. The dog just isn't enough in the way of self defense. Having been together in some areas with my family where some pretty fierce four legged (bear, cougar and wolves) and questionable two legged (human) creatures strolling around, she finally accepted that having a pistol for self defense was Ok and probably a good thing. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that living up North keeps us from what others consider the city writh wrath, criminals are all over, including up North here. The area has seen alot of Meth labs popping up in the middle of the woods and boy they are serious about their stuff.

With all that said, she has agreed that obtaining my CPL is a good thing in the event we are in fear of our life from two or four legged creatures. However, buying additional guns is out of the question at this time. Just take it easy with your wife and don't force it on her. It's taken me over three years to finally convince my wife. She has even shown interest in taking some sort of self defense class now, but of course w/o guns. At least right now anyways.

Good Luck

[HK USP]

Why not attend have her attend one of karens ladies only shoots and or direct her here to this forum that is why it was created yes the sas is a good group as well yet there not that active as i have seen in the past years!

this forum was created for this type of thing


wife of hk usp? have yo uever attended one of karens all laides shoots? and the nrra magazine is a good start to leave fo rher to read but to be in a like minded arena with other woman such as the ladies night is a great place to go and learn and observe and have fun

She went, I got to go to work while the Daughter and her had fun.

[RSF]

She went, I got to go to work while the Daughter and her had fun.


thats great.... maybe they can go again or set one up on your side of town i know karen is willing to travel.....


the sas is a good group but a look of there michigan site looks as though it hasnt been updated in about 2 years now......

good ot know they took part in karens ladies shoot. there a goodd time to learn and meet up and make new friends .................

[Flygirl]

I believe she has an irrational fear of them. Says , she would rather be a victim than use a gun. Overall , she is a level headed rational person that works well in emergencies.

It's possible that this fear has a cultural component. Sometimes when people cannot fully explain their preferences, ideas, etc., they actually have absorbed or acquired these ideas from the surrounding culture. For example, it's an historical fact that women carried and used guns in the West, for protecting themselves and their families and for getting food. The man of the house was not always around. However, dating from the 1950's museums would not mount a display that depicted women with a gun. I know of one display where the gun (shotgun or rifle) was originally positioned leaning against the wall near the door for easy access, but the musuem curators had it removed. A woman with a gun was not considered feminine and in the post-WWII climate a lot of (intellectual) energy was spent trying to change the image of Rosie the Riveter (strong, self-sufficient, capable woman) back to complacent, compliant homemaker (had a lot to do with getting jobs back to men after the war). So, even historical fact had to give way to cultural and social expediency.
Sorry if I was carried away there...background in anthropology and museum studies. If your wife likes to read, I recommend Simone de Beauvoire and/or League of the Iroquois (L.H.Morgan).....a little esoteric but depicts different cultural perspectives on women. Probably some Old West biographies/histories would be informative and fun, too.
And absolutely have her come to one of Karen's classes/womens' shoots. They really are great!

[lee]

First of all ---thankyou for all the advice and concern. I did have a brief conversation with my wife on what bothers her about firearms. She says her dislike for them are due to " how easy it is to use them in the heat of passion or during arguements." " Its just too easy to pull the trigger and one can remain disconnected. When using fists , knife , or even a bat, one has to get right in the persons face and it takes time. One has the ability to rethink their position and back off before its too late."

Her point can be argued many ways and I do believe has some merit. I believe that some people need to stay away from firearms. Although , I have had a few occasions where I "snap" and let go with my mouth, I have a different approach when it comes to firearms. When I'm carrying, I am MUCH more tolerant of everything due to my responsibliity---both legally and ethically.

I once got in an arguement with my 19 year old kid while carrying at home. I removed myself from him and quietly disarmed and locked it up in the vault. I did not have the urge to pop him or any body but with heightened emotions I just thought it was prudent. Don't get me wrong , I returned to the loud " discussion" after locking it up but I believe I was much calmer and fairer with that little break.

I personnaly do not have a "hair" trigger. My spouse is much more tolerant than I am except when it comes to driving a car. As a passenger , I have seen her flip the bird to other drivers a few times when another driver does a stupid manuever to put her in harms way. I have explained to her that this is not the safe response to do . Drive the car , use the horn if one has to , but don;t be giving the bird , even if the other person is the ARSE. Doing so puts one in great harm. When you as a driver screw up a quick gesture stating you screwed up and you apologize disarms 99.9 % of the rage of the other drivers as witnessed by my million + driving miles.

So in one area , driving, my wife spouse has a "hair " trigger. Her father exploses very easy, her mom takes a licking and keeps on ticking---------in my opinion too tolerent. BTW , I have never raised a hand to my wife even in some very intense emotional situations during our 25 yr marriage so she is not frightened of me .

I have probably shared too much information here but I know I don't face this problem alone and it is indicative of the problem we share with many anti's. As a mother I know she would use force to protect her children from harm or in her unarmed case , she would sacrifice herself to "slow " the agressor.

I invited her to the Woman's shoot, she stated that was nice but she wouldn't be attending. I 'll approach it latter, but I'll ask her again.

[M1911A1]

Lee, Her point does have some merit but the logic seems a bit out of sequence. Especially when dealing with handguns, the encounter isn't truly disconnected. Handgun use for self defense is generally a very up close kind of thing. The ease with which a firearm may be operated isn't the same easy to deploy. It is never easy, ethically or psychologically, to deploy any type of force against another. The initiation of force does not become more desirable to a individual just because they have a firearm. What the ease of operation allows is a more even footing in the defensive use of force. The fists, knives and bats you mention all take a certain amount of physical strength to operate with any great effect. However, for someone with the physical strength to swing a bat with deadly force, the decision to initiate force has already be made when the bat is swung. It affords no more time to rethink that swing than the time it takes to draw a pistol from a holster under concealment but the ease of operation afforded by the pistol gives those without as much physical strength just as much access to deadly force.

The knife can be far more lethal than the pistol. even though it requires an arms length distance to deploy, it's wound can be far more damaging than the bullet. I would remind of the detroit officer who encountered a felon during a traffic stop. The criminal was armed with a knife. The DPD officer was attacked and drew his sidearm, firing on his assailant and wounding him. The knife wielding attacker killed the officer, took his patrol car, and drove himself to the hospital. While the holder of the knife is alive in jail, the officer of the law, armed with a pistol, died that day.

There are far easier ways to harm another and remain far more detached than a firearm. I'd rather not discuss them here as the thought of them I find repugnant.

[glockgirl]

It's been my experience as a woman, that when another woman hates or is afraid of guns-Have a woman that you know that shoots talk to her. Women are more likely to open up and talk to other women.

If you don't know anyone who is female and shoots, then ask your significant other to come to the range with you some weekend and put a .22 in her hand and let her shoot. A .22 has no kick (but I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that). She just may have a fear of the unknown. A .22 can be a great gun to start out with.

But don't blame me when she starts to outshoot you!! :wink:

[Knimrod]

But don't blame me when she starts to outshoot you!! :wink:

My wife won't admit it and I rarely admit it but when it comes to stand up shooting, my wife will outshoot me everytime. She rarely shoots but when she does, she's making one ragged hole in the target. I'm proud of her. :)

[taurus92]

A .22 has no kick (but I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that). She just may have a fear of the unknown. A .22 can be a great gun to start out with.

But don't blame me when she starts to outshoot you!! :wink:

But then you end up with a wife like mine who says "when that Kel Tec PLR-16 comes in I get to shoot it first". Now I know the only time I will get my hands on it is to clean it.... Might have to buy 2 of them.

[M1911A1]

You guys really wanna compare "gun lovin' wives" ?

Seriously, welcome to the boards Glockgirl. I think you'll find a few like minded women around here!

[Fiddler]

It's been my experience as a woman, that when another woman hates or is afraid of guns-Have a woman that you know that shoots talk to her. Women are more likely to open up and talk to other women.

If you don't know anyone who is female and shoots, then ask your significant other to come to the range with you some weekend and put a .22 in her hand and let her shoot. A .22 has no kick (but I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that). She just may have a fear of the unknown. A .22 can be a great gun to start out with.

But don't blame me when she starts to outshoot you!! :wink:

Hi glockgirl, That's a good point! That's why we have a women's section and why I offer women's classes and women's shoots at several area ranges. I'm hoping eventually lee will be able to get his wife to come to one of them, or to meet up at the range for some one on one.

By the way, welcome to the board! Nice to have another woman on board! I see by your profile that you've been shooting since you were 8! We'd love to know more about you. Why not introduce yourself in the "Introductions" section so we can get to know you? Once again, welcome to the boards!

[glockgirl]

But then you end up with a wife like mine who says "when that Kel Tec PLR-16 comes in I get to shoot it first". Now I know the only time I will get my hands on it is to clean it.... Might have to buy 2 of them.

My stepmom said she felt guilty the other day because my dad cleaned her gun for her (she was being lazy). Of course I thought that since my dad retired he had nothing better to do than to re-load my brass. I guess he DOES have better things to do since he made me sit for 6 straight hours on a Saturday AND a Sunday reloading over 1000 rounds. *laughs* I think my dad also snuck in a "bonding" and "learning" experience for me. Ok, I learned a lot and got free dinner too. :P

[John Henry]

*chuckle* .... My wife ( generally refered to as CCB, for Charming Child Bride ) has more than one handgun ( green cards & everthing ) that will, magically, become mine when they are in need of cleaning.

[glockgirl]

Good lord, if I didn't know better, I'd swear it was my step mom. :roll:

[J 92 Brigadier]

Let this be a lesson to all you single guys out there. As the song says, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a gun hating woman your wife. And, from my personal point of view, get another girl to marry you"

[glockgirl]

Let this be a lesson to all you single guys out there. As the song says, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a gun hating woman your wife. And, from my personal point of view, get another girl to marry you"


LMAO....It should be something the minister says. Do You Suzy Q take John Doe to be your lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold (his guns). For richer or poorer (or at least until you can't buy anymore guns). Til death do you part (oh wait, I could think of some REALLY good ones here!!) 8)

You may now kiss the Glock....:P